Sun. Aug 18th, 2019

Fellatio couldn’t save Fyre Fest from failure

Fyre Festival will go down as one of the biggest epic failures in music festival history.

Ticket holders were promised the world by organizers Billy McFarland and rapper Ja Rule. Instead of the luxury cabanas and exquisite foods guaranteed by Ja Rule and McFarland, Fyre Fest attendees received wet mattresses and cheese sandwiches.

A new documentary about the debacle debuted recently on Netflix. “Fyre” takes a look behind the scenes at how a plan for fun and frivolity quickly descended into fraud.

The film features interviews with Fyre Festival organizers, including industry veteran Andy King. King, by far, had the most (shall we say) interesting tale in the Netflix program. He nearly sucked a dick to save the festival.

Bahamian customs officials were refusing to release four containers of Evian bottled water unless Billy McFarland paid $175,000, according to King.

Watch this clip to learn how fellatio foreshadowed the Fyre Festival clusterfuck:

“Billy called and said ‘Andy we need you to take one big thing for the team.’ And I said ‘Oh my gosh, I’ve been taking something for the team every day.’ And he said ‘well, you’re our wonderful gay leader and we need you to go down… will you… suck… dick… to fix this water problem?,'” King recounted on screen.

“And I said, ‘Billy, what?’ And he said, ‘Andy, if you will go down and suck Cunningham’s dick — who’s the head of customs — and get him to clear all all of the containers with water, you will save this festival. And I literally drove home, took a shower, I… I… I… I drank some mouthwash. I’m like, ‘Oh my gosh… I’m really’ — and I got into my car to drive across the island to take one for the team and I got to his office fully prepared to suck his dick.”

Andy King, fortunately, did not have to give the Bahamas customs chief a blow job. The cases of Evian water were released.

Still, a lot of people got screwed by Fyre founder Billy McFarland, who is now serving time in federal prison on charges related to the festival flop.

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